Feed a Man a Fish

Feed a man a fish, he'll eat for a day. Feed a man a glass of milk, he'll pass gas 20 times under the blankets when you are going to bed. Some of the stench is inevitably going to leak out and singe your nostril hairs.

This picture is demonstrating his excellent camouflage skills in the apartment as he tries to hide from me and the wrath that is sure to come.

Survival Bracelets

David's brother got a survival bracelet as one of his Christmas presents this year. They look like this:

It is called a survival bracelet because it is made of one long strand of paracord and you can take it apart in an emergency and use it to survive. Like, say, if you get deserted on an island. I'm sure it would save you there. Somehow. Anyways, I got jealous because I think they are a cute fashion statement, so I decided to make my own. This is the process of how to make a survival bracelet.

-go to a fabric store to buy fabric for curtains

-wonder if they have paracord at the store 

-ask husband to ask sales associate if they have paracord

-spend five minutes trying to get husband to ask sales associate

-husband gives in

-learn that the store has paracord

-find paracord and pick a color

-notice that clasps are conveniently placed right next to paracord

-start making bracelet the moment you get home because you are so excited

-look up youtube video tutorial

-realize that tutorial doesn't tell you how to start the bracelet

-look up another tutorial

-start making the bracelet

-realize the tutorial has a different clasp than you

-find another youtube tutorial

-make the bracelet

-realize bracelet got smaller after tying all the knots and is now too small

-untie bracelet

-re-make bracelet slightly bigger

-realize tutorial doesn't show how to finish bracelet

-find another video tutorial on how to finish

-burn your finger on a match while melting the ends of the paracord to finish it

-start making husband's bracelet with the extra clasps and paracord (TWINSIES! YAYYY!!)

-finish bracelet

-make it much too big because of overcompensating for yours being too small

-make husband untie it because your fingers are sore and burnt

-make it again

-still too big

-make husband untie it again

-make it again

-listen to husband try to decide if he likes the size or not for five minutes

-he does

-done.

Learn from me and do it right the first time.