Isn't life grand?

Sometimes doors have a straight bar across instead of a doorknob so you can't tell which side they should be opened from. Your thought process might go a little like this:
     "I'm going to push on the right side of this door to open it.
     That wasn't right, maybe I need to pull it instead of push.
     Definitely not. Maybe it's locked.
     I guess I'll try pushing again.
     Its BARELY moving and I have to push really hard.
     Oh. It opens from the left side..."
Meanwhile people are lining up behind you wondering why you can't open the door.

When buying tissue paper, look carefully at the label. Containers of little plastic bags have the same shape as containers for tissue paper. You probably won't realize this until you are parked in front of the house and try wrapping your gift. But don't worry, if you scrunch of the red plastic bags and shove them in the basket you can pull it off.

Toothpaste in your eye is not pleasant. How would that ever happen, you ask? I don't even know, but it can.

That's embarrassing.

If you are in a friend's apartment with a bunch of girls and everyone leaves, you should leave with them. Otherwise when you leave a few moments later and try to open the door, it won't open. You might think someone is on the outside holding it closed as a joke, so you'll bang on it. Then you'll realize they just locked it on their way out not knowing you were still in there. And they all heard you bang on the door and shout out.

Another reason to live close to campus: you can wake up at 9:06 and be in class by 9:15.

You should probably wipe the dust off the waffle iron box before you re-gift it to someone.

Sometimes you need to bear a hat or beanie to cover up the fact that you didn't shower. But when you do it three days in a row I think people start to notice.

Germs build my immune system, right?

That water bottle on the table in the math lab? Its not yours. When you find your own water bottle in your purse pretend you didn't because you've been drinking out of the other one for ten minutes.

If you write on your tongue with a pen there's really no need to keep it out of your mouth and dry to make sure the ink stays on. The ink will stay for half an hour with your tongue in your mouth. The drooling because of sticking your tongue out was not necessary.

Don't moon your roommate too often. Eventually she'll start doing it back.

When its more than halfway through the semester and you are running really late for class trust your instincts on which class to go to. Don't freak out when you walk into the same classroom you have all semester and there is a different professor teaching. You don't need to check the room number or check the time to see if you are an hour off, you just didn't hear your professor last time say that he would be having a substitute next time.

I wish I hadn't heard that.

Don't let the subject of waxing come up around strangers. You will learn way more about that random girl in the math lab than you ever wanted to know.

When someone asks "Do you have...?" and you don't hear the rest of the question, don't take a 50/50 guess and just say no. Someone will call you out. Yes, you do have a car.

Don't ask a classmate who's in the TA lab for help on a homework problem. You will act like you know what they're talking about when really you don't, then you'll feel awkward asking the TA the exact same question, so you will have to pretend to do work for half an hour until they leave and you can ask the TA.

When you find a clump of three eyelashes on your shirt MAKE A WISH!! Don't totally forget in the midst of your excitement. Then don't start freaking out that you are losing so many eyelashes.