Brrr it's cold in here.

Shower on Saturday night instead of Sunday morning other wise you will be taking a cold shower because the rest of your apartment complex is showering on Sunday in preparation for church.

Using your alarm as a phone is great, but if it's on silent you won't wake up for your 8am class.

When you say hi to someone look carefully at their face. You might have thought you said hello to Taylor when really it was his brother Chase.

If you get ready in a hurry something is bound to  be wrong with your outfit, so look in a mirror before you go all day with your pants tucked into your sock. 

Apparently nature books aren't my thing.

Having the prompt "Write about your favorite portion of this book" for a book that you really hated reading is not fun. But if you write about how your favorite part was when the author sounded the most idiotic you can still get an A.

Live as close to campus as possible. You'll thank yourself on those days when you just leave to go home and  get lunch and then have the sudden realization that you need a bathroom. Now.

When you see a black friend of yours commented on "Elder Stanley Granville's" album about preaching the gospel, don't get all excited hoping to see some cool mission pictures of a 19-21 year old kid. The "Elder" is not Mormon. Or younger than 40. He is enthusiastically preaching to a Baptist congregation though.

If BYU has a home basketball game and you have a really important class review to go to at the same time, don't plan on finding any parking. You will drive around for ten minutes looking only to park back at your apartment and walk. 

Douche.

 If you go to a subway near your apartment and notice that the guy making your sandwich has a hickey, don't go home and tell your roommate. She'll ask a few questions about what he looks like then she'll tell you that's her ex-boyfriend and they broke up less than a week ago.

Getting an entire public bathroom to yourself is awesome. Thinking you are all alone and then finding out there was someone else in there the whole time is not.

Jumping across a gutter onto an icy sidewalk will get you a gnarly bruise on your knee.

Don't put a plastic measuring cup on a stove that was recently turned off. It will melt the handle off. And it will be your roommates measuring cup. And you will hope she doesn't notice.

Useless TA

Just because she's your TA doesn't mean she knows anything about Biology.

Laughing at a student who says "palabra" instead of "parabola" is not okay. But if you can quickly disguise it as a cough then nobody will know...

If you have a really long night class you'll fall asleep every time. And one time you'll snore. The roommate sitting right next to you won't wake you up or tell you until after the class is let out.

Don't spent five minutes trying to find your name on the list of homework scores for your class only to realize it's not your section's scores. Just check the section number first.

Drive by.

When you drive by a house and happen to peer into the window don't immediately freak out when you see a hooded figure. Someone is just wearing a sweatshirt with their hood up. And you are the one being creepy, not them.

Being ticklish is not a good trait.

If you are an engineering major don't forget to bring your engineering paper to school. You won't be able to do any homework without it.

If you are scrounging around your cupboards for food because you have just about ran out don't try mustard on bread. It tastes about as bad as it sounds.

Misheard

"Conned him" sounds a lot like "condom".

If its really cold outside it is possible to freeze the tip of your finger in a twenty second walk to your car.

Can you guess which finger?

Make sure to avoid going to the TA lab when that one blonde kid is there. He'll need the TA to help him with ONE homework problem for OVER AN HOUR.

Bring headphones to work so that when you aren't busy you don't have to hear the receptionist repeat a story twenty times about giving injections.