Emergency brake error.

If you are leaving the parking lot right after getting your windshield replaced, check to see if your parking brake is on. Just because your car isn't moving doesn't mean it's broken. And then it will be embarrassing when you go inside to complain that the repair guys broke your car and the receptionist tells you the parking brake is on.

Never ask a simple, quick question about a credit card at your bank. They will keep you there for half an hour explaining the details very thoroughly.

Don't over-stuff your pantry and fridge. You will knock your spaghetti off the shelf and it will spill all over the floor, then you'll be frustrated from cleaning it up. Then, less than five minutes later, your jar of jelly will get knocked out of the fridge and painfully land on your foot before it shatters on the ground.

Don't read analog watches when you're tired . . . you'll read them wrong.

Make sure to press the "on" button when setting your alarm to wake up. Otherwise you will wake up, glance at your watch, and rush to work because you are late. Then you'll look at your watch again once you are driving to work and realize that you are about to arrive an hour early to work.

If there is a yellow sign posted in front of the bathroom, read it. You might assume it says "caution" when it actually says "closed". When you walk towards the bathroom to go in it the custodian standing close by will tell you that it's closed. Then as you walk away they will talk to their co-worker joking about how nobody can miss the "closed" sign.

If you decide to wear a sweatshirt with no bra to class, make sure the classroom is going to stay cold. Otherwise you will get hot and won't be able to take the sweatshirt off.

Don't jump up the stairs in the dark. 

Photography is not my forte, clearly.

If you are watching Jason and Dana run a half marathon and at the finish line it is up to you or Nat to take pictures, let her take them so you don't end up with pictures like this:

And this...

But when you finally give it to Natalie you'll get a good one like this.

Look at the the cartoon picture on the door before you walk into the bathroom at the library. Girls have a dress. And yes, you did just walk into the men's bathroom.

Don't lay out by your pool when you have 100 pages left in your book. Even though you didn't want to stay out there very long, you will want to finish the book so badly that you will forget you didn't put on sunscreen and end up getting a really bad sunburn.

Never going back to that museum again...

If you happen to go to an art museum on campus with your boyfriend when nobody is around, don't start kissing him. And if you do, you should probably listen when he pulls away because he thought he heard something, otherwise you will be interrupted by the employee who works there telling you the museum is closing soon. And you guys will get out of there as fast as you can without looking back.

Scandal!

Take a quick glance in the mirror before you leave your house. Walking around all day only to get home and notice that your shorts were inside out the whole time is not a pleasant surprise.

That pizza on the table? No, it's not free game for anyone to eat. Even if your new roommates mom mentioned that she was going to get some pizza for everyone, you should probably double check that she actually did before you eat your other roommates food.

If you are driving on a deserted street you should still look around before you start picking your nose. There might be some runners coming towards you with a clear view of what you just did.

Panic attack in class.

Don't use nicknames for contacts in your phone. Then when you forget your phone at someone's house you'll think you lost it and some stranger will look through recent messages to see that you put the contact "pillow. sex." in AS A JOKE and you will have a mini panic attack. In class, too.

Stef is the only one who calls you the nickname "Man" (short for Amanda). So when you are walking to class and you hear someone say "hey man" you should not respond in any way. They were talking to the guy walking towards them, not to you.

Go to the bathroom before you pick someone up from the airport. Otherwise when you get home both bathroom/showers will be in use for another ten minutes and you'll really have to pee.

When one of your students is talking about her first son, don't assume he has already been born. She's seven months pregnant. 

Don't let this happen to you.

If you are on an intramural soccer team, don't wear Stef's old cleats. They will be too small for you. Your will jam your toe into the end of the cleat, and it hurts.

If your toe is hurt from a soccer game don't go snowboarding that day. It will just make it worse.

If you have blood pooled under your toe you should immediately drain it or else when you try later that night it will already be congealed so you'll have a hole in your toenail and it will still hurt.

Taken a few weeks after it happened, so the blood looks black. Notice the hole in the center.

When you heat up a metal paper clip to stab through your toenail to drain the blood out you should probably do it instead of your roommate. She'll go too far and burn your skin underneath.

If you do hurt your toe badly, do it when its hot outside. Wearing flip flops while its snowing is not as fun as it sounds.

Isn't life grand?

Sometimes doors have a straight bar across instead of a doorknob so you can't tell which side they should be opened from. Your thought process might go a little like this:
     "I'm going to push on the right side of this door to open it.
     That wasn't right, maybe I need to pull it instead of push.
     Definitely not. Maybe it's locked.
     I guess I'll try pushing again.
     Its BARELY moving and I have to push really hard.
     Oh. It opens from the left side..."
Meanwhile people are lining up behind you wondering why you can't open the door.

When buying tissue paper, look carefully at the label. Containers of little plastic bags have the same shape as containers for tissue paper. You probably won't realize this until you are parked in front of the house and try wrapping your gift. But don't worry, if you scrunch of the red plastic bags and shove them in the basket you can pull it off.

Toothpaste in your eye is not pleasant. How would that ever happen, you ask? I don't even know, but it can.