Effects of protein shakes.

Yes, protein shakes really do make your muscles bigger, even if you don't want bigger muscles. And they might make your elbows swollen too, and then you'll mistake that for elbow fat and have a MASSIVE panic attack because you can't feel any elbow bone any more. But since the elbows were just swollen, they will go down in two days and you will be fine after all.

When you are angry, listen to your boyfriend who is not in a bad mood because he is probably thinking more rationally than you are and it will save you two hours worth of driving time if you do.

Never say "oh, I'll exercise after I watch this movie late at night," because it won't happen.

Processed cheese from Arby's bacon cheddar melt tastes eerily similar to when you throw up in your mouth.

Why are there couches in the bathroom?

Being shy in the bathroom is only hurting yourself. Here's the story:

I was on campus after I ate lunch. I had to go to the bathroom fairly urgently, so went to the nearest one. I knew that I was going to be making some noise while on the toilet, so as soon as I opened the door and noticed it was completely silent, I was so excited! I had the bathroom to myself! Then I took one more step and my heart dropped. There was a girl in there, sitting on the couch on her laptop. REALLY?!! I have to go to do my business on the toilet knowing that she is ten feet away listening? I couldn't do it. I went in my stall, went pee a little, then left without actually doing the business I had come there for. Then I raced home as fast as I could to finish what I had started.

Moral of the story? I will never see her again and I should have just done the deed while I was there.

Long lost blog.

If you have a blog based on all your mess ups in life, write the mess ups down as they happen. Otherwise you will forget, and not post anything new for a few months.

Tbs stands for tablespoon, and tsp stands for teaspoon. The cookie recipe probably called for two teaspoons of vanilla, not Tbs. When you put in way too much vanilla and realize the mistake, its okay, because you can spoon out some of the extra, but your cookies will be EXTRA flavorful.

Make sure none of the other roommates are home before you start kissing your boyfriend in the front room. Getting walked in on for the second time is just as embarrassing as the first.

Don't let your boyfriend read your journal from a few years ago. He will realize just how boy crazy you really were.

Power steering... you don't know what you have until it's gone.

Parallel parking can cause you to break a sweat. Just do it in 90 degree weather without any power steering into a tight space. Turning the steering wheel was so hard I'll probably be sore tomorrow.

You know that group meeting that was supposed to be quick and last "less than an hour"? Don't believe your group members. It will definitely last closer to three hours and you won't leave the library until after eleven at night.

If you get grossed out by under-cooked foods, made sure the no bake cookies that you are really looking forward to get heated all the way so they don't end up gooey.

Just because your boyfriend doesn't answer his phone for a few hours doesn't mean he got in a brutal car accident and is dead. You can let your imagination rest because  his phone just ran out of battery.

Not supportive at all.

Putting on a sports bra backwards is not effective.

You know that toenail that is still  black? Don't try covering it with bright nail polish. It just turns a dingy, dark, gross, tinted color. And then you'll put on five layers to try to cover it up. But then you'll put on shoes too soon and it will get smudged all over the inside of your shoe because it still wasn't dry.

Blogs are not quite as exciting when your camera is broken.

Don't set up a budget to save money. As soon as you do, a thousand fun, costly things will come up that you can't go to because it is not in your budget. 

Emergency brake error.

If you are leaving the parking lot right after getting your windshield replaced, check to see if your parking brake is on. Just because your car isn't moving doesn't mean it's broken. And then it will be embarrassing when you go inside to complain that the repair guys broke your car and the receptionist tells you the parking brake is on.

Never ask a simple, quick question about a credit card at your bank. They will keep you there for half an hour explaining the details very thoroughly.

Don't over-stuff your pantry and fridge. You will knock your spaghetti off the shelf and it will spill all over the floor, then you'll be frustrated from cleaning it up. Then, less than five minutes later, your jar of jelly will get knocked out of the fridge and painfully land on your foot before it shatters on the ground.

Don't read analog watches when you're tired . . . you'll read them wrong.

Make sure to press the "on" button when setting your alarm to wake up. Otherwise you will wake up, glance at your watch, and rush to work because you are late. Then you'll look at your watch again once you are driving to work and realize that you are about to arrive an hour early to work.

If there is a yellow sign posted in front of the bathroom, read it. You might assume it says "caution" when it actually says "closed". When you walk towards the bathroom to go in it the custodian standing close by will tell you that it's closed. Then as you walk away they will talk to their co-worker joking about how nobody can miss the "closed" sign.

If you decide to wear a sweatshirt with no bra to class, make sure the classroom is going to stay cold. Otherwise you will get hot and won't be able to take the sweatshirt off.

Don't jump up the stairs in the dark.